The Wheels Have Fallen Off, Mike!
The mighty Green Bay Packers went down to Indiana to face the no-name Indianapolis Colts on Sunday and their rookie quarterback — a team that, on paper, they should have destroyed. In complete anti-climactic fashion, the mediocre bunch who calls themselves the Packers took a 30-27 loss.
So what went wrong?
Well, for starters the Packers return-to-2011 defense let the Andrew Luck-led Colts score five times in the second half after bursting out to a 21-3 halftime lead. The final dagger came with 35 seconds left when Luck hit Reggie Wayne for a four-yard touchdown.
After the score, the Packers actually set up Mason Crosby for a 51-yard field goal — a kick he’s hit before. Of course, shankopotamus shanked the kick somewhere into Conseco Fieldhouse. That brilliant effort made him 0-2 on field goal tries on the day.
The swirling winds inside Lucas Oil must have been fucking with Crosby.
Make one of those kicks and at least we’re talking about an overtime loss, you know? But hey… Crosby wasn’t the only culprit in the Packers’ loss to a team that won a whole two games last season.
Remember that defense the Packers had the first three weeks of the season? Well, that unit was obviously a mirage aided by the replacement officials and their loose interpretation of the rules.
Once again, Dom Capers‘ unit is clearly terrible. A week after giving up 400-plus yards to the Saints, the Packers defense managed to allow 464 yards to a rookie quarterback and a bunch of no-names.
Read that again — 464 yards. This to a guy who was playing ball for Stanford last year.
Let’s not understate this. The Packers defense is a fucking embarrassment… again.
Luck threw for 362. Reggie Wayne, who’s about 85-years-old, caught 13 balls for 212 yards. The Colts rushed for 119 yards. Could a defense possibly suck balls in any other way?
Reggie Wayne had 212 yards! Reggie Wayne! 212 yards!
Yeah, so beyond that, the Packers put up 21 in the first half. They answered that output by shitting right in their own bed in a second half where they put up a monstrous seven points.
In part, the offense was derailed when Cedric Benson went down with a foot injury. Good thing no one bothered to put James Starks on the field.
Aaron Rodgers demonstrated his usual MVP form right up until it counted. In the second half, Rodgers and his receivers didn’t bother to subscribe to the same page. When James Jones wasn’t running his route too deep, Jermichael Finley was dropping a ball and then faking an injury.
And then there was the offensive line, which gave up five sacks.
Hey, you assholes are all cut. You don’t belong on an NFL field. Go play in the Arena League.
In other words, the Packers offense was a comedy of errors.
If there’s a bright side to this embarrassment that calls themselves the Green Bay Packers, it’s that the team started in similar underwhelming fashion in 2010 — they were 3-3 after six weeks. That year, they pulled it together and won the Super Bowl.
Is this team of that caliber?
At the moment — absolutely not.
Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.