Brandon Marshall: douche

Well, we might as well just cancel the season now and skip right to the big game. The Chicago Bears are going to the Super Bowl!

That’s what receiver Brandon Marshall told a bunch of idiot Bears fans at Soldier Field on Friday night.

“This is just between us, so keep it here,” Marshall said to the 27,352 fans before uttering two words: “Super Bowl.”

And the gathering of Jugalos went wild, firing pistols into the air and gang raping anything that looked like a female. Of course, this event was a carbon copy of the Green Bay Packers Family Night, right down to the fireworks. That is, except for the crowd, which was considerably smaller and considerably dumber in Chicago.

Bears coach Lovie Smith, the first black coach to lose a Super Bowl, was onboard with his new receiver’s proclamation.

“It would be hard to tell guys, ‘hey, let’s try to win eight games,’ ‘let’s try to win the division,’” Smith said. “[Super Bowl] is the ultimate goal, what everybody in the locker room is trying to achieve. No problem with that at all.”

We can’t wait until the wheels fall off that bus.