Desmond Bishop

Green Bay Packers inside linebacker Desmond Bishop unexpectedly failed his physical yesterday, meaning he wasn’t able to practice when the team opened training camp today.

What was the issue? Bishop was listed as having a non-football injury, which usually entails someone getting tendinitis in their thumbs from playing too many video games, a chafed member from watching too much porn or a broken face from smashing their motorcycle into a tree while hopped up on Valium and whiskey.

Not Bishop, though. No, he strained his calf while working out last weekend. If you recall, Bishop missed three weeks last season after his vagina calves gave out.

So, it’s been confirmed — Desmond Bishop has the calves of a 12-year-old girl.

Fortunately, the Packers appear to have a bona fide starter in D.J. Smith wasting away on the bench. He took Bishop’s place in the starting lineup on Thursday. Unfortunately, if Bishop and his girl calves don’t get back on the field then Smith won’t be able to take all-around weak tit A.J. Hawk‘s job.