Adrian Peterson

Remember Adrian Peterson? He was the latest in a long line of Minnesota Vikings dirtbags to get arrested when he was popped for resisting arrest last weekend.

On Friday, he made his first court appearance and demonstrated his mathematical genius. Upon his exist from the courtroom, Peterson told the media he’s “200 percent innocent.”

That’s no misprint, folks. Even though it’s not possible to be more than 100 percent of anything (except a percentage increase or decrease, of course), Peterson thinks he’s 200 percent innocent. That’s kind of like the percentage equivalent of going 360 degrees when you only need to go 180 and ending up right back where you started.

The Minnesota Vikings…

Ah, fuck it. It’s not even hard anymore.