As It Turns Out, Bears Probably Traded For Another Scumbag
Just when we were patting the Chicago Bears and their new management on the back for at least trying to compete with the Green Bay Packers again, we get this. And to be completely honest, it put a big smile on our faces.
The big-time acquisition the team just made, the one that addressed one of their biggest weaknesses, receiver Brandon Marshall has been accused of punching a broad outside a nightclub…
No, we’re not laughing at the fact that a woman was allegedly hit. We don’t condone such nonsense. We’re laughing at the Chicago Bears, who somehow continue to be a joke of an organization without former GM Jerry Angelo. It’s almost as if they’re striving for the mantle held by the Minnesota Vikings.
The organization knew about the incident and decided to go ahead and trade for Marshall anyway. What’s that smell? Ah yes, the pungent stench of desperation.
“Both the Bears and Dolphins were aware of what occurred over the weekend. We decided to move forward with the trade. We have high expectations for Brandon as a Bear,” new GM Phil Emery said.
Fuck Phil, Jerry couldn’t have said it better.
Seriously though, we don’t know what happened. There’s a lot of he said, she said BS. The incident apparently started when Marshall got into an argument with another player at a club in New York on Sunday. Here’s a rundown.
At around 4 a.m., birthday girl Christin Myles, 24, left an upper floor to greet a friend downstairs.
When she tried to get back upstairs, a bouncer told her she had to wait because there was a fight between two football players — Marshall, 27, and an unknown athlete — who were being thrown out, the sources said.
She later met up with her friends, who by then were arguing with Marshall and the other football player outside, sources said.
Marshall then allegedly cold-cocked Myles in the left eye. She suffered a black eye. It wasn’t clear if he allegedly intended to strike her or one of her pals.
Marshall’s people claim his wife was hit by a bottle and suffered injuries as a result. They also claim Marshall wasn’t involved in any sort of fight.
We’re going to reserve judgment at the moment. And speaking of, does anyone know what happened to Sam Hurd?
Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.