Here’s What Packers Stock Looks Like

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It came in the mail on a Monday. And then I was an owner of the Green Bay Packers.

That’s right, this is what $275 down the tubes looks like. However — and they don’t tell you this in the book or in the letter from Mark Murphy — when you own this stupid piece of paper you can do the following things:

  1. Wow broads by telling them you own an NFL franchise (already did that last night — worked like gangbusters!)
  2. Yell louder than normal at the television when the Packers fuck up because, hey, I’m a fuckin’ owner!
  3. Ring 1265 when Ted makes a move that’s disagreeable and yell, “Get me Ted on the phone, now!”
  4. Show up at the shareholders meeting with no pants on.
  5. Steal Aaron Rodgers’ broad because, hey, what’s he gonna do, fire me?

I’m pretty sure there are other things that come with the privileges of ownership and when we figure out what they are, we’ll let you know.

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

9 Comments on "Here’s What Packers Stock Looks Like"

  1. frozenfanatic84

    Since mine came in the mail I have been showing it off around the office, etc. Everyone is jealous that their teams don’t sell stock like the Packers!

  2. Most of my dumbass friends are like “What? you can’t even make money off it??”

    …guess you only get it if you’re a Packer fan. SMH.

  3. BerryJS

    Here is the best part about owning stock. Whenever you are around your buddies that are Packer fans that don’t own stock, and they use the phrase “We” you get to corrected them by letting them know that they do not actually get to say “We” because unlike you they don’t own the team.

    2.) Dinner reservations. The owner of an NFL franchise gets much better tables. Just make sure to let the broad at the desk know ahead of time that you are an owner.

    3.) I have not done this yet but after hearing about Derek Jeter , I feel that at least once I should sign a football and after I bag some horse faced girl from Mn. at Mondays and give it to her as part of a gift basket. If only to laugh my ass off just think about her telling her parents about “dating” the owner of the Green Bay Packers.

    Have fun with it boys, there should be an open thread about all the things we get dip-shit ass hats to do for us because we are NFL owners.

    Just a heads up you might want to put one of your buddies down as TT, MM, or AR in your phone this could be a deal breaker.

    P.S. I will let you know how much better my results are after the business cards come back from Kinko’s. 100 lift print cards for $20 yes please.

  4. Philllthy Phill

    This is the greatest web site of all time. As owners we really should consider letting the writing staff from here do some work on our official site. Do we have say on that? Get it done.

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