That’s right. I didn’t do a weekly review last week. It was my birthday and frankly, I was pretty much fucked up for five days. But no more! Here’s the view from Masada.
Oakland Raiders — So you’re telling me these assholes get smoked at home by Denver one week and then go to San Diego and handle the Chargers the next? This whole division sucks, but at least Carson Palmer finally showed up. Who knows what you’re going to get from one week to the next, though.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers — The honeymoon’s over. The Bucs officially suck. They got rolled at home by the Texans, by 28 points no less. The Packers should have no problem with them this week.
Philadelphia Eagles — Is there a more dysfunctional team than these assholes? The answer is no. We told you they’d have no chemistry and we were right. Way to lose to the Cardinals at home, boys!
Chicago Bears — If they keep playing the way they have been of late, we know who the second best team in the NFC North is. It’s not the Packers’ Thanksgiving opponent.
Baltimore Ravens — Let’s see. Beat Pittsburgh, lose to Seattle. Good work. You guys are ready for prime time.
1. Green Bay Packers (9-0) — No doubt.
2. San Francisco 49ers (8-1) — Strolled into the Meadowlands and beat the Giants. Signature win? Could be. No question they’re for real now.
3. New Orleans Saints (7-3) — This is kind of a default ranking because the falloff from No. 2 to everyone else right now is kind of like driving off the side of a cliff. Any number of teams could own this spot.
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-3) — Even after losing to the Ravens, we ranked them higher than the Ravens. Guess what? We were right.
5. Chicago Bears (6-3) — It will be a battle between Chicago and Detroit for second place in the North, but right now Chicago is the better team. They’ve won four in a row and their next three are very winnable.
6. New England Patriots (6-3) — Yeah, they’re beatable. Sure, they’re not the Patriots of old. They still have Tom Brady, though.
7. Houston Texans (7-3) — I understand they’re currently the No. 1 seed in the AFC, but they just lost quarterback Matt Schaub for the season. I’m reserving judgment because I’ve seen Matt Leinart play before. It wasn’t pretty.
8. Detroit Lions (6-3) — They might still make the playoffs, but the luster isn’t quite there anymore is it? Do you think the Packers are really frightened about the Thanksgiving game?
9. New York Giants (6-3) — Someone asked me last week if I was scared of the Giants. My reply? “Fuck the Giants, they lost to Seattle at home. Eli will never get to anther Super Bowl again.” Now they lost to the 49ers at home. About as consistent as lumpy gravy.
10. Baltimore Ravens (6-3) — If that played Pittsburgh every week, they’d be real good.
1. Aaron Rodgers — You’ve seen him play. All anyone else needs to know is 28 TDs vs. 3 picks.
2. Drew Brees — Leads the NFL in passing with 3,326 yards, which is on pace to break Dan Marino’s single-season record.
3. Matt Forte — Yeah, Fred Jackson and LeSean McCoy have more rushing yards, but Forte is doing his best Marshall Faulk impression — 869 rushing, 439 receiving.
4. Calvin Johnson — Regardless of Wes Welker and Steve Smith’s numbers, Megatron is the most dominant receiver in the game. He has 885 yards and 11 TDs, which is second in the NFL… for anyone, including running backs.
5. Tom Brady — Eh, he’s Tom Brady. You gotta throw him in there.