Adrian Peterson Couldn’t Run Because He Was Shitting Glass

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Adrian Peterson

The Green Bay Packers pretty much took Adrian Peterson out of their win over the Minnesota Vikings last night, or so we thought.

If you believe Vikings tight end Visanthe Shiancoe, and we’re not sure we do, maybe it was someone at Lombardi’s Steakhouse that slowed Peterson.

Shiancoe claimed, via Facebook, Peterson found a piece of glass in his food when the Vikings ate there.

Every year that we play in GB we eat at Lombardi’s steakhouse as a team.. Ironically out of all people, Adrian has a huge piece of glass in his meal.

Safety Jamarca Sanford also tweeted about the alleged incident.

Wow I just talk to @VShiancoe and@AdrianPeterson did have glass in his dinner from last night

Of course, all the idiot Vikings fans are up in arms about this, even though Peterson hasn’t confirmed it. It’s as if the Green Bay Packers went and tried to jam a piece of glass down Peterson’s throat.

I wonder, if there really was glass in there, did he eat it? Maybe that would explain his sub-par performance. Hard to run when you’re shitting glass.

Or when he pointed this out to the Lombardi’s staff, did they refuse to give him a new steak and forcibly cram the glass meat down his throat? That would really have shown the Vikings!

How the fuck do you even get glass in a piece of meat anyway? And if you were going to put something in there on purpose to try to injure someone, wouldn’t you choose something that had a texture similar to meat?

“Oh, yeah, glass, he’ll never notice that when he’s chewing his food! I’ll show that fucker!”

I mean, what a nefariously perfect plan to injure your star running back Minnesota! You guys totally caught us, though.

Fucking idiots. Why don’t you all go eat some glass.

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

19 Comments on "Adrian Peterson Couldn’t Run Because He Was Shitting Glass"

  1. Savage57

    And wash the whole thing down with a big ol’ glass of gasoline. It’s what we serve the in-bred shitbags from Minnewhogivesafuck when they go a visitin to Packerland – The Glass and Gas special.

  2. Twixxie

    Wow, Packers fans are a classy bunch! I thought people thought my teams fans were bad.

    An Eagles fan

  3. Hacksaw

    Twixxi is a jealous Viking loser. 9-0, enough said. Go troll back to PJD and bitch about your stadium and team issues. This site is for winners not Viqueen mouth bteathers.

  4. Greg

    Glass would be pretty bad, Although 2 years ago my family cooked a ham, and it had -literally- a stainless steel bolt sunken into the ham. It makes sense as it probably came off of production equipment.

    Accidentally getting glass into a steak would take some really careless people, or involve intentionally throwing it onto the kitchen floor before cooking it.

  5. Norseman

    I understand that you hate us and we hate you, but you are all really going to sit there and say you wish he would have gotten hurt? You really are a classy bunch.

    Believe it or not some things are bigger than football (hard as that is to believe for a state like wisconsin) and intentionally hurting someone falls into that category. Stay classy.

  6. the_nether

    Funny, there’s actually some packer rube working at Lombardi’s who thought the 2-6 Vikings might have a shot. So using sound ‘scony logic, he took precautions to make sure his only source of pride would be safe for another week. Oh, and the fact that the author of this article assumes the only thing you can order at a steak house is steak. Good stuff cheese balls. Good stuff.

  7. Tyson

    I am a life long Packer fan from Wisconsin. Unfortunately, I currently live in Minnesota. It is articles like this and words from some of the comments that show why Viking fans think us Sonnies are insane hicks. Monty, Savage57, Hacksaw: Grow the fuck up. Oh, and Go Pack Go!

    • Savage57

      Yes ma’am! Caring what a Viking fans thinks is like worrying that if you cut Ahmed’s left hand off, he has to wipe his ass with the hand he eats with. Stay in Minnesota where you belong with the rest of the douche nozzles.

      By the way, what is a “Sonnies”?


    • DevilDon

      The only ones calling Packer fans the worst in the NFL are the titleholders for the Worst Fans in the NFL – Minnechoka ViQueens fans.

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