Adrian Peterson Couldn’t Run Because He Was Shitting Glass
The Green Bay Packers pretty much took Adrian Peterson out of their win over the Minnesota Vikings last night, or so we thought.
If you believe Vikings tight end Visanthe Shiancoe, and we’re not sure we do, maybe it was someone at Lombardi’s Steakhouse that slowed Peterson.
Shiancoe claimed, via Facebook, Peterson found a piece of glass in his food when the Vikings ate there.
Every year that we play in GB we eat at Lombardi’s steakhouse as a team.. Ironically out of all people, Adrian has a huge piece of glass in his meal.
Safety Jamarca Sanford also tweeted about the alleged incident.
Wow I just talk to
@VShiancoe and @AdrianPeterson did have glass in his dinner from last night
Of course, all the idiot Vikings fans are up in arms about this, even though Peterson hasn’t confirmed it. It’s as if the Green Bay Packers went and tried to jam a piece of glass down Peterson’s throat.
I wonder, if there really was glass in there, did he eat it? Maybe that would explain his sub-par performance. Hard to run when you’re shitting glass.
Or when he pointed this out to the Lombardi’s staff, did they refuse to give him a new steak and forcibly cram the glass meat down his throat? That would really have shown the Vikings!
How the fuck do you even get glass in a piece of meat anyway? And if you were going to put something in there on purpose to try to injure someone, wouldn’t you choose something that had a texture similar to meat?
“Oh, yeah, glass, he’ll never notice that when he’s chewing his food! I’ll show that fucker!”
I mean, what a nefariously perfect plan to injure your star running back Minnesota! You guys totally caught us, though.
Fucking idiots. Why don’t you all go eat some glass.
Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.