Rex Ryan

Not fat. Furry.

It’s a good thing the Green Bay Packers squared off against the [intlink id=”386″ type=”category”]Pittsburgh Steelers[/intlink] in [intlink id=”1425″ type=”category”]Super Bowl XLV[/intlink].

Had they faced two-time AFC Championship game losers, the [intlink id=”69″ type=”category”]New York Jets[/intlink], the Lombardi Trophy would currently reside in New Jersey.

No, I’m serious.

Jets coach Rex Ryan said so. And you know he’s not a fat, blathering, idiot who just loves to hear himself talk.

“I just watched the Super Bowl (XLV) at home,” Ryan wrote in his book “Play Like You Mean It: Passion, Laughs and Leadership in the World’s Most Beautiful Game.” “I’m only going to the Super Bowl if my dad (Buddy) or my brother (Rob) is in it. It’s too painful. We don’t even do a party at the house. I thought Green Bay was to going to have the upper hand on Pittsburgh. Their passing attack was giving everyone problems. But I truly believe we would have beaten Green Bay. We only lost to them 9-0 during the season, and we gave them two of the field goals because of mistakes.”

I absolutely love revisionist history.

In fact, it’s fun for the whole family. Let’s give it a try.

If the Packers had beaten the [intlink id=”298″ type=”category”]New York Giants[/intlink] in the 2007 NFC Championship game, they would have won Super Bowl XLII.

Damn. You see how good that feels?

We just gave the Packers a fifth Lombardi Trophy.

Hell, why stop there?

If the Packers had beaten the [intlink id=”140″ type=”category”]Dallas Cowboys[/intlink] in the 1995 NFC Championship game, they totally would have killed the Pittsburgh Steelers in Super Bowl XXX.

Look at that! The Packers suddenly have six Super Bowl wins!

Hell yeah!

If you didn’t catch all of that, don’t worry. It will all be in my new book: “Douchey Douchebags and the Douche that Comes Out of Their Mouthes.”

Obviously, anyone can get a book deal, so I may as well write one.

Spoiler alert: by the time you reach chapter four, the Green Bay Packers will have won 12 Super Bowls, developed a new, sustainable form of energy, cured cancer and taken over for the Justice League as protectors of the earth.