Brett Favre

Just keep your dick in your pants, alright?

Brett Favre likes to bang just about anything that isn’t his wife.

Or maybe his wife just doesn’t like to bang him.

Whatever the case, there’s another masseuse claiming Favre tried to get with her. Stephanie Dusenberry, who formerly worked for the Minnesota Vikings and now works independently with several Vikings’ players, claims Favre texted her inappropriate messages.

Where have I heard this story before? Oh yeah…

Favre was sued for sexual harassment earlier this month by two massage therapists who worked for the New York Jets when the quarterback was with the team. Dusenberry’s story is similar to theirs.

Dusenberry was a fan of Favre’s and eager to work with such a high-profile client. Unfortunately, the texts from Favre veered into the sort of creepy banter she’d gotten from other players. “I was crying, ” she says. “I was so disappointed.” Dusenberry points out that Favre’s texts were similar to the ones he allegedly sent the Jets’ massage therapists, asking her to stop by his home because his wife was away (“you don’t know what it’s like to not be touched by a woman in three weeks”).

Favre persisted, however, and she responded that the texts were making her uncomfortable and that she was going to contact the police. Favre, she says, began to apologize and insist “it’s not like that.” In early September, she contacted Jerrad Biggar of the Eden Prairie police department. As Dusenberry remembers it, she mentioned Favre specifically and asked for advice about what to do. Biggar, according to Dusenberry, told her that Favre wasn’t doing anything legally wrong and that the police couldn’t do anything beyond calling the quarterback and telling him to stop bothering her.

So what’s going to come out of this?

Probably nothing, as far as the NFL goes.

Favre is officially retired, so the league can’t take any action against him.

Dusenberry says she deleted the texts from Favre, but she’s trying to retrieve them from her provider and has retained some big-shot lawyers, so a lawsuit isn’t out of the question.

Perhaps the one interesting angle, is Dusenberry reported several incidents her superiors when she worked for the Vikings. That could put the team on the line for disciplinary action if the league decides to investigate.

As for Favre, really the only thing that surprises me is he didn’t have the good sense to go about his philandering in a more discreet way.

I mean, really? Text messages — no one will ever find those or use those against you, right?