Brett Favre Must Really Be Retiring Because He’s Hawking Collectibles

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Needs money.

We didn’t pay much attention when former Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre filed his retirement papers, this morning.

So what? We thought.

It’s not that we think Favre will change his mind and come back sometime next August. It’s just that after getting beat around, both on the field and in his private life, while losing a bunch of football games we really didn’t think there was any possible way Favre would waver again.

I think we can cement that notion now — Favre is once again ready to take your hard-earned cash for some meaningless piece of Favre memorabilia.

For the low, low price of $300 you can have a signed 18×24 “Thanks for the Memories” Brett Favre poster, featuring Favre times three, in each of the three uniforms he played in.

You can also own just the poster for $25, but then Brett Favre will spit on you for not forking over the remaining $275. Of course, Brett will charge you $50 for the spit.

Brett Favre spit is not free, meager fan.

Word is, Favre needs the extra cash to help pay for his meth head sister’s legal defense.

What I like about this is Favre isn’t waiting around for anyone else to thank him for the memories.

Nope. Favre is cutting out the middle man and thanking himself for the memories by hawking these posters right on his web site.

“Golly Brett, you shore made a lot a memories!”

“Ah shore did, Brett!”

“Let me be da first to thank you for all dose memories, Brett. Yar truly the greatest human bein’ to ever walk God’s green earth.”

“Thank ya, Brett. That means a lot comin’ from a pillar of humanity like yerself.”

Keep your eyes open for future Brett Favre cash grabs, too.

This spring, Favre will be pissing all over 100 pair of Wrangler Jeans and selling them to fans as “Brett Favre soiled Wrangler Jeans” for $1500 a pair to help pay for his sexual harassment case.

In the summer, Brett will be draining the bone marrow from Bus Cook and selling it to cancer patients to pay for his divorce proceedings. For only $20,000 you can have an authentic vial of Brett Favre’s agents’ bone marrow!

But there’s more! For the super-low price of $1 million, Brett Favre will initial the bottle and have his assistant send you a get well card signed by said assistant for Brett Favre!

(Via Deadspin)

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

9 Comments on "Brett Favre Must Really Be Retiring Because He’s Hawking Collectibles"

  1. Shawn iltarion

    Brent who? I don’t get it. Did this down-on-his-luck, grizzled old man use to play for the glorious organization known as the Packers?

    Seriously, I have an idea for a “Thanks for the memories” poster to be sold here in Green Bay. Under the text will be a montage of photos including Tracy Porter intercepting the ball in the NFC Championship Game, Desmond Bishop returning a pick for a TD in Green Bay this season as a Minnie assistant slams his clipboard down in the background, the scoreboard in Minnie showing 31-3 Packers, Brent getting blasted from behind by a Bills linebacker as the ball fluttered into the air, a picture of Jenn Sterger with a disgusted look on her face, and a picture of A-Rodge signaling TD against the Falcons.

    Truly, thank you for the memories.

  2. BB

    Wow… Copying stories from Deadspin and acting like it’s your own idea, are we? So is Deadspin the source of all your Brett Favre hate? Because it doesn’t seem you can make up any reasons all by yourself, other than maybe the fact that his cock is bigger than yours and your mommy shoved your face into her cunt when you were a boy. But if you’re gonna try to hate on some one, at least be original instead of copying a “story” from some bottom-feeding tabloid blog, lazy loser.

  3. Shawn iltarion

    Yeah, we get all our hate from Deadspin, genius. In fact, we just check their home page and hate whatever is on it. If Santa Claus make an appearance there, he’ll be fricking next.

  4. Mark Sims

    ya all these packers fans who hate on him shut ur mouth because i bet in ’97 u were rooting for him 2 win it all and then in ’98 u did the same thing but thise time they didnt do it. Im sure u were cheering him on since ’92 where he took over the starting job and started 297 consecutive games THANK YOU BRETT FAVRE FOR ALL YOU DID!

  5. Joe

    Mark,

    Brett favre was the God of Green Bay from 1992 – 2007 .. Aaron Rodgers took over in 2008 and Green Bay hasent looked back since.

  6. brian in blax

    the poster doesn’t include a dong shot or a soul-crushing interception? because THAT is what i remember about THAT GUY. or maybe just a poster of him crying about retiring on 3 different podiums. that would rock. good riddance.

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