Brett Favre Must Really Be Retiring Because He’s Hawking Collectibles
We didn’t pay much attention when former Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre filed his retirement papers, this morning.
So what? We thought.
It’s not that we think Favre will change his mind and come back sometime next August. It’s just that after getting beat around, both on the field and in his private life, while losing a bunch of football games we really didn’t think there was any possible way Favre would waver again.
I think we can cement that notion now — Favre is once again ready to take your hard-earned cash for some meaningless piece of Favre memorabilia.
For the low, low price of $300 you can have a signed 18×24 “Thanks for the Memories” Brett Favre poster, featuring Favre times three, in each of the three uniforms he played in.
You can also own just the poster for $25, but then Brett Favre will spit on you for not forking over the remaining $275. Of course, Brett will charge you $50 for the spit.
Brett Favre spit is not free, meager fan.
Word is, Favre needs the extra cash to help pay for his meth head sister’s legal defense.
What I like about this is Favre isn’t waiting around for anyone else to thank him for the memories.
Nope. Favre is cutting out the middle man and thanking himself for the memories by hawking these posters right on his web site.
“Golly Brett, you shore made a lot a memories!”
“Ah shore did, Brett!”
“Let me be da first to thank you for all dose memories, Brett. Yar truly the greatest human bein’ to ever walk God’s green earth.”
“Thank ya, Brett. That means a lot comin’ from a pillar of humanity like yerself.”
Keep your eyes open for future Brett Favre cash grabs, too.
This spring, Favre will be pissing all over 100 pair of Wrangler Jeans and selling them to fans as “Brett Favre soiled Wrangler Jeans” for $1500 a pair to help pay for his sexual harassment case.
In the summer, Brett will be draining the bone marrow from Bus Cook and selling it to cancer patients to pay for his divorce proceedings. For only $20,000 you can have an authentic vial of Brett Favre’s agents’ bone marrow!
But there’s more! For the super-low price of $1 million, Brett Favre will initial the bottle and have his assistant send you a get well card signed by said assistant for Brett Favre!