Predictions: Packers vs. Patriots

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Tom Brady

Tom Brady will fuck your mother when you're not looking.

Steffen: The New England Patriots ought to temporarily change their name to the New England Buzzsaw, because that moniker has been lobbed their way a lot the last few weeks.

They dropped 45 in consecutive weeks against the Lions and Jets before clownining the Bears 36-7, last Sunday. They are without a doubt the hottest team in the league right now.

Historically, the Tom Brady-led Patriots are nearly impossible to beat in December, especially at home.

But do the Green Bay Packers, who are desperate to keep their playoff hopes alive, actually have the upper hand this week? Could they escape Foxburough with a big win?

Well, if you take a closer look at Sunday night’s matchup you will conclude that the answer for both of these questions is a resounding, “fuck no.”

It actually has little to do with the Patriots at this point. I’d be hesitant to favor this injury-ravaged Green Bay squad against most teams in the league, let alone New England.

Here are the facts:

1. The Packers have around 13 players on IR, several of which are starters.
2. They have no running game. At all. Still.
3. Collectively, the play of the offensive line has regressed. They haven’t opened holes for the running back all season, but their pass protection has completely broken down over the last couple weeks.
4. Clay Matthews, while still active, has been slowed by nagging shin injury. While he remains one of the NFL sack leaders, he has been nearly invisible since week 11 and his last two sacks have been gimmes.
5. Aaron Rodgers is not going to play. He is the main reason the Packers have eight wins this season and the offense looked completely lost last week without him and that was against a hapless Lions squad.

I predict a somewhat demoralizing loss this week. Brady will systematically chip away at the Packers thin defense and eventually, without a running game to rely on, the exhausted defense will implode and the score will snowball.

As a bonus prediction, look for Patriots halfback Danny Woodhead to have a huge game.

Patriots 48, Packers 9

Monty: Hey, fuck these assholes. Just because they’re 10 times better than the Packers and that shitbag Mike McCarthy held Aaron Rodgers out… oh… fuck… never mind.

The Patriots are the best team in the NFL.

Hands down.

Mike McCarthy is a cunt.

Patriots 703, Packers 35

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

19 Comments on "Predictions: Packers vs. Patriots"

  1. bogmon

    Monty’s predictions are one of the highlights of my week.

    The truth doesn’t sting if you’re already numb.

  2. Terrell Buckley

    Welp we made a valiant effort this year and were still one of the league’s top teams even with half the team injured but it is p much over this week.

  3. Sheri

    I just hope we can lose with dignity and it is not a total shut out. lol. Hey…we can always hope for the upset of the week….right? LOL

  4. Ghh

    U know Packers cuda been the best team in the NFL we just got screwed this season frankly and I think we still have a chance of going all the way if we win 2/3 of the next games

  5. Russ

    Packers will lose BUT we will not be blown away IF we dont make mistakes to help New england blow us out Mkae them beat us not helpingh them too with turnovers and penalties try to control the clock on offense short gains etc just play with packer pride and if we lose its because we got beat faiur and square

  6. brooksnelson87

    This game’s a longshot, no question, but I think the Packers will play it closer than most expect.

    We have some strengths on our side: pass defense, especially our cornerbacks; our receiving corps; Clay Matthews. But at the same time, there’s the matter of the run game and the O-line’s recent play against us, not to mention the Patriot’s superhuman streak.

    Nonetheless, the Browns and Jets beat ’em (before their Spider-man transformation), and I give the Pack the edge against either of them. Just gotta hope Flynn will be effective; a bunch of short pass plays to eat up the clock could make him successful against a young defense, hopefully minus Devin McCourty. And then we’ve gotta win, or at least can’t lose, the turnover battle (They haven’t turned it over in 5 games? Oh.).

    The deck’s stacked high against us, and I know we shouldn’t win, but I somewhow find it hard to believe Charles fucking Woodson will let us lose. If only it were up to him. Anyway, I give the Pack a shot; I think they deserve it the way they’ve dealt with this season’s epidemic injury list.

    —–

    I’m kinda a novice at this stuff, so correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems all hope’s not lost even if the Patriots do win 703 to 35:

    If the Bears lose to the Vikings (I know, but they do have Adrian Peterson), we can take the division.

    Same goes if they win but lose to the Jets, and we beat the Pats.

    If the Bucs lose to the Lions and the Eagles take the East, then the second wild card spot’s in our hands with two home wins to close the season.

    Or if they beat the Lions but lose to the Seahawks and Saints.

    I’m just hoping one of these scenarios plays out in our favor. They may seem unlikely individually, but I wouldn’t be surprised if something comes through for us Sunday and Monday night.

    All I’m saying is that the season may be over by the end of the Vikings-Bears game (let’s hope it’s the Bears from last week that show up), but it’s not over yet.

    Epic rant complete… Here’s hoping for a miracle Sunday night.

  7. Kozak

    Nothing to be ashamed of this year. More guys on IR then any other team in the league, the 5 loses by a TOTAL of 16 points, oh and we kicked the Queens ass’s twice, and collected the scalps the Cowgirls and Queens coaches. Not too shabby.

  8. Kozak

    Nothing to be ashamed of this year. More guys on IR then any other team in the league, the 5 loses by a TOTAL of 16 points, oh and they kicked the Queens ass’s twice, and collected the scalps the Cowgirls and Queens coaches. Not too shabby.

  9. Chas

    All teams have injuries. McCarthy is an average coach. This team is below average because of coaching. I hate to say this but I don’t think and hope I turn out to be wrong that Rodgers will last physically for the long term. Think Spring. The Pack is done.

  10. Nick K

    I guess everyone forgets that Rodgers doesnt’t play defense. The D has stepped it up in primetime all year. Crushed the Queens and cowladies on sunday nights this year. Don’t be such pussies and give this win to the Patsies so fast. Have some fucking faith you fairweather fans!!!

  11. Nick K

    Also, all you fucker packing it in already saying maybe next year fuck off. It ain’t over until its over. There are a few ways into the playoffs yet. We beat the giants and bears and were in. And if some how we beat the Boston bastards tonight it helps our chances even more. Go away doubters, until next year.

  12. Shawn iltarion

    Yeah, all the doomsayers just got kicked in the nuts with losses by Tampon and the Giants. The Packers are actually back in control of their own destiny even with a loss to the Patriots. Wins against the Giants and Bears, at home, will get the Packers in the playoffs now.

    Even with Matt Flynn at QB, it is difficult to see any team blowing the Packers out. It hasn’t been done since 11/24/2008, nearly 2 years and a month, when New Orleans took it to the Pack 51-29 in Week 12 of 2008.

    The Patriots are not a great pass defense, and as such, are quite happy that A-Rodge is not playing. Can Matt Flynn and the Packer pass offense still do enough to keep this close? Probably not. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is a blow out, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if the Packers are in the game until the 4th quarter. Ultimately, the Patriots just don’t lose at home, especially in cold weather.

    Patriots 27-16.

  13. Wow

    that clock management by Flynn at the end of the game wiped out anything positive he did prior to that.
    He looked mildly retarded out there.
    Signaling for a timeout with no timeouts left while the clock is ticking past 20 seconds.
    Everything up to the 1:30 was handled so poorly you’d struggle to find high school teams looking so confused that far into their season as to how to manage a game clock.

  14. Shawn iltarion

    Great effort by Flynn and most of the Packers, especially Brandon Jackson and John Kuhn.

    Well-coached game by MM for the most part. The onside kick to start the game was a great call and set the tone of the game.

    As usual, most underrated the Packers’ ability to overcome an injury, even to the most important player on the team. I feel bad for the offense and defense that they fight so hard to win games and have to watch them slip away due to complete horse shit special teams. After watching a 300 pound offensive lineman take a kickoff for 70 yards to set up a gift score for the Pats, A-hole Slocum should have been fired at half.

    That play was completely unacceptable after your offense and defense had spent the half dominating the alleged best team in football that was going to blow you out, you are up 17-7, only to go into half 17-14 thanks to the worst coached, worst tackling special teams unit in football.

    I continue to marvel how James Campen continues to have a job as well. Once again, our offensive line fails to handle a very simple blitz late in a game. It was THAT play that essentially ended the game.

    Anyway, entertaining game, which most didn’t expect. We should all know better. This team doesn’t lose unless it is a close game. The game against the Giants next week is basically a playoff game. Actually, it is very reminiscent of the NFC Championship game because it is going to be a must win game and be COLD.

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