Vikings Fan Sells His Allegiance on eBay

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Hey, his soul is already gone, so why not sell his NFL allegiance?

Seriously, this happened.

Dylan Stenglein, a Minnesota Vikings fan, sold his NFL allegiance on eBay. The winning bid was $140, which is impressive, considering a Vikings fan isn’t worth more than a stale loaf of bread.

I kid, of course. Stenglein wasn’t selling himself as a Vikings fan. No, he finally saw the light and decided to renounce his allegiance to the filthy, stinking, classless team that plays in the Metrodome on Sundays. The winning bidder gets to choose his new favorite NFL team.

The decision was made after the Vikings lost the NFC Championship game to the Saints, just the latest in a long, long history of failures by Minnesota’s NFL franchise.

“I can’t handle it anymore. … Years of bad coaching, poor clock management, choking the big games away. It has repeated itself so many times. I can’t continue to put myself through it and get emotionally involved. Every year, I keep getting sucked back in, believing all the hype. And it never happens,” he said.

So, the auction, which was removed from eBay on Stenglein’s first three tries (insert obligatory four-time loser joke), went something like this.

I am auctioning off my allegiance to any NFL team. I am/was a fan of a certain professional football team before last night’s loss to the Saints. I can’t continue to put myself through the torment of being a fan of this team year after year. I need a new team, help me decide where my new allegiance will be.

In addition to choosing Stenglein’s new team, the winning bidder also received a certificate, so they can be reminded of what an idiot they are for years to come.

No word yet on who Stenglein’s new team is.

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

13 Comments on "Vikings Fan Sells His Allegiance on eBay"

  1. shoelss

    Let him go to the Packers (and they can have him). I hear it only costs a buck to be a part of a fandom that burns in effigy one of the greatest players in team history. Such a wishy-washy following deserves another fan who is just like them.

  2. AS

    Right, Sparky. And if Fran Tarkenton went and played for the Packers out of spite, your purple pansy fan would have had NO PROBLEM with it? If Jared Allen strings you along year after year, and causes turmoil and team division, refusing to mentor (and barely speaking to), a rookie would was drafted to eventually take his place, and generally acting like a BIG FAT BABY before engineering his exit from the AFC team he was traded to, just to go to your divisional rival out of sheer spite, you’d have absolutely NO PROBLEM WITH IT? Right. Stay on your Viking fan boards with the rest of the short bus crew. I wouldn’t pay a nickle for that guy’s fan loyalty. Like the rest of Viking Nation, he’s a bandwagon jumper who will sell his soul to the first john willing to pay for his “services.” I’ll bet he comes with his own purple knee pads upon delivery.

  3. Tequila

    Shoeless:

    Do you think that Packers fans want brett to be literally lit on fire? Do you suppose that they want to bury him in a casket? It was a joke and a device for mourning. If derek jeter went to the red sox and then went around talking about how much better it is in Boston, NY would burn some shit too.

    Typical Vikings trash. Higher level thinking skills elude you, I understand, but taking EVERYTHING so literal is playing into the Minnesota stereotype way too much.

  4. Coon Dawg

    I have been a Viking fan for 19 years and despised the peckers for just as long. I don’t understand why this loser fan would abandon ship just like that. We are on the verge of greatness. Brett has re-lit the fire up here. I even named my new chocolate lab Brett! After the joy he has brought our family. It’ll never be forgotten. Funny how you peckers forgot that so fast.

    Tequila: Keep tipping back the bottle to drown your jealous sorrows as you will NEVER be as loyal or dedicated as a Viking Fan. I used to live in Barstow, CA for work one year and I was amazed how many Vikings fans were there. It makes me so proud that Viking fans are not just in the great state of Minnesota but all over this country.

    Go Vikes!

  5. AS

    It’s amazing how empty the lives of Viking fans must be that they need to troll Packer websites and fan boards. Are you guys tired of your Brett Favre circlejerks already, and need intelligent life to talk to? Go buy some more billboards and prove to the rest of the country how foolish you all are. I’m sure all the money spent on that monstrosity could have helped people in Haiti, but hell….who wants to do that when you can suck on Brett’s nuts a little more?

  6. Tequila

    Coon Dawg:

    Barstow? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks again for another priceless Vikings fan fact.

  7. TPS

    Coon Dawg,

    I have got to know. What were you doing in Barstow? I’m guessing it had something to do with glass beakers, over the counter cold medicine and gasoline.

  8. Bearsnake

    Coon Dawg-

    Barstow makes the worst parts of Wisconsin and Minnesota seem like the French Riviera. You are officially the best heretic on the planet.

  9. Coon Dog

    Ooohh a “heretic” huh? Big word for a donut hole factory worker from Platteville. And for your information TPS (total penis sucker), I was a Verizon rep training new staff. A level of success you will probably never achieve coming from your pathetic state. Have fun living in WI your entire life.

  10. Coon Dog,

    Would the average Wisconsinite think Barstow is funny? Probably not. But a number of the people you are sparring with actually live in Southern California. They know that Barstow is the meth capital of the world. So when you revel in wonderment over the fact that a city full of Breaking Bad extras are also Vikings fans… well, it’s fricking hilarious and awesome.

    For the record, I have lived in LA for nearly ten years. I’ve spent many sundays at sports bars where nearly every NFL team is well represented, especially teams like Dallas, New England and Green Bay. LA is a melting pot after all. Now, I’m not going to try to tell you that I’ve never seen Vikings fans in LA. There was usually one or two guys with ratty John Randle jerseys and chili stained sweat pants, but thats it. I admit, things changed this year with Favre – but that only supports that fair weather critique we hit Vikings fans all the time.

  11. Tequila

    Coon:

    Oh sweet jesus please keep it coming. A Packers site full of writers couldn’t make this shit up. Somehow you think we all live in WI, being a Verizon trainer is awesome, and Barstow having Vikings fans is miracle?

    The mercury in the canned chili you all eat is going to your head, but please don’t stop commenting. Oh, for the love of christ, don’t stop!

  12. TPS

    Cooner:

    Times are tough right now aren’t they? Your beloved Queens choked, you still work at Verizon, and todays forecast in Minny-sota is 11 degrees (but it feels like -9). So, to keep you and your racist dog warm, I’d like to personally send you a can of Hormel Chili. Please just post your address.

  13. Pingback: Guy Who Took Out Favre Ad = Idiot | Total Packers

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