Hey, his soul is already gone, so why not sell his NFL allegiance?
Seriously, this happened.
Dylan Stenglein, a Minnesota Vikings fan, sold his NFL allegiance on eBay. The winning bid was $140, which is impressive, considering a Vikings fan isn’t worth more than a stale loaf of bread.
I kid, of course. Stenglein wasn’t selling himself as a Vikings fan. No, he finally saw the light and decided to renounce his allegiance to the filthy, stinking, classless team that plays in the Metrodome on Sundays. The winning bidder gets to choose his new favorite NFL team.
The decision was made after the Vikings lost the NFC Championship game to the Saints, just the latest in a long, long history of failures by Minnesota’s NFL franchise.
“I can’t handle it anymore. … Years of bad coaching, poor clock management, choking the big games away. It has repeated itself so many times. I can’t continue to put myself through it and get emotionally involved. Every year, I keep getting sucked back in, believing all the hype. And it never happens,” he said.
So, the auction, which was removed from eBay on Stenglein’s first three tries (insert obligatory four-time loser joke), went something like this.
I am auctioning off my allegiance to any NFL team. I am/was a fan of a certain professional football team before last night’s loss to the Saints. I can’t continue to put myself through the torment of being a fan of this team year after year. I need a new team, help me decide where my new allegiance will be.
In addition to choosing Stenglein’s new team, the winning bidder also received a certificate, so they can be reminded of what an idiot they are for years to come.
No word yet on who Stenglein’s new team is.