Lovie Smith

I am in a position to succeed!

Well, maybe not no one – Chicago Bears’ coach Lovie Smith probably still wants to coach there, but he hasn’t exactly been given a recipe that’s likely to result in success.

After firing half of his staff, simply because the Bears’ organization was too cheap to do what they really wanted to do and fire Smith himself, Lovie has essentially become a lame duck coach – a lame duck coach with a bunch of job openings. And guess who wants to work for a coach who probably isn’t going to be around after next season? No one who’s worth a shit, that’s who.

The Bears, who are now sans offensive coordinator and defensive coordinator, quickly targeted their top choices and were quickly turned down.

Their top choice for offensive coordinator was Jeremy Bates, who was the offensive coordinator at USC and was formerly Jay Cutler’s offensive coordinator in Denver. Bates would have been a perfect fit for Chicago, but Chicago would have been a terrible choice for Bates, especially after he was given the opportunity to join his current boss, Pete Carroll, with the Seattle Seahawks.

Despite the allure of Cutler, who he had great success with in Denver, Bates was potentially facing a one-and-done in Chicago. As Bears’ president Ted Phillips said, either the Bears have a winning season in 2010 or Smith and his assistants are out of a job.

“We don’t think the cupboard is bare. We don’t feel that we have to put up with another losing year,” Phillips said on Jan. 5.

In Seattle, Bates is working for a guy who just signed a five-year contract at $7 million per season. Those numbers suggest Carroll and Bates are going to get, at minimum, three years on the job.

The same goes for the Bears’ defensive coordinator position. The team targeted former Buffalo Bills defensive coordinator and interim coach Perry Fewell, who coached for the Bears as recently as 2005. Unfortunately for the Bears, he was also the New York Giants’ top candidate.

It’s unlikely New York Giants’ coach Tom Coughlin, who is two years removed from a Super Bowl win, is going anywhere in the near future. Today, Adam Schefter reported that Fewell will join the Giants.

Talk about a no-win situation. Guess what, Lovie?

Insert image of Captain Barbossa saying, “You’re in one!”

This mess is of course all created by the mastermind himself, Jerry Angelo, also known as the Bears’ general manager. In the space of a year, Angelo has managed to decimate the roster, mortgage the future and keep a coach he doesn’t really want AND give him no chance to succeed. So, get ready to suck in 2010, Chicago.

What’s next for the Bears?

Well, they’ve brought in Jacksonville Jaguars assistant head coach/tight ends coach Mike Tice (who was a superstar in Minnesota, I might add) to interview for… something. Three different sources have suggested Tice has interviewed for three different positions – 1. offensive coordinator, 2. offensive line coach, or 3. a coordinator position that would divide duties among more than one person.

We especially think the last scenario is pure brilliance considering how well the Washington Redskins did this season with Jim Zorn “running the offense” and Sherman Lewis “calling the plays.” Certainly a blueprint for success to be followed by the rest of the league!

The Chicago Bears are nothing short of a joke right now, which prompted Mike Florio to suggest Lovie jump ship for the open job at the University of Tennessee.

If I were in Lovie’s position, I’d be packing the car for Knoxville.

As for the Bears, it’s sad that such a proud organization has fallen to the level of laughingstock. If you don’t straighten things out soon in Chicago, you’re going to turn into the Minnesota Vikings.