Everything In Childress’ World Makes Sense Now

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Father of the year, no doubt.

Well, if you read this blog very often, you know we think Minnesota Vikings coach Brad Childress is a pedophile (or at least looks like one). So then it makes sense that his son, Kyle, is also a delinquent.

Kyle Childress was charged with second-degree DWI in St. Paul, early Saturday morning, the second time he’s been stopped for a DWI.

We gave Kyle a call and asked him what he was thinking, and really, this is a sad story.

“Well, I am constantly trying to suppress the memories of my father sexually abusing me as a boy, so I often turn to alcohol and drugs,” the younger Childress said. “Sometimes I make bad choices, and honestly, this is probably just my way of asking for help. I just want to be loved – in a non-creepy, non-sexual way.”

And it gets worse.

“Ever since Favre came around, my father hasn’t given me any attention at all – good or bad. Everything is Brett this or Brett that,” Kyle said. “He even sleeps over at Brett’s house some nights and doesn’t come home at all, but I guess that’s better than him trying to sleep in my bed.”

We always knew it, Brad – you sick son of a bitch.

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About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

8 Comments on "Everything In Childress’ World Makes Sense Now"

  1. Jeremy

    Not that I don’t think this is funny McMahon, because it’s fucking hilarious. I just worry about you being liable for slander. As a publisher I hope you know more about those rules than I.

  2. mary

    YOU are a complete idiot! Where do you get off judging this family on such a personal level. I hope if such a tragedy ever affects YOU on such a personal level no-one would be as craze and unhumane of an asshole as YOU are! I can’t believe I am even taking the time to react BUT this is such garbage from an obivous TOTAL JERK

  3. Don

    No one has ever got a DWI in the great sober state of Wisconsin, have they? Your bio states that “Monty is a writer and editor. In his spare time he enjoys BEER, women, WHISKEY…”. Have you ever got a DWI Monty, enjoying your beer and whiskey in your spare time?

    The unfortunate thing about the internet is that any moron can set up a web site and spew whatever trash they desire, however stupid or vulgar it may be.

    One must assume Monty is still bitter that Brett Favre decided to go play for a better team. Go Favre, go Vikings!

    • Monty

      I don’t need proof because this story is clearly tagged as “satire.” Look it up on the dictionary you moron.

  4. Tom

    Packer fans have serious issues. I’m glad I don’t define who I am by a sports team that I have nothing to do with. My advice is to move out of Wisconsin to some place were you can actually have a life.

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