Minnesota Vikings Luckiest Team in the League

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Brett Favre

May as well be playing Madden.

You know, I thought I smelled something funny coming from the Twin Cities – and I’m not referring to the stench of inbreeding and ignorance.

No, I’m referring to the pungent smell that drifts your way when your arch enemy is more lucky than good. It’s the smell that makes you want to vomit. The one that makes you wonder when your hard work will be rewarded versus that of your dumber, uglier, smellier cousin, who just seems to skate by on a thin sheet of stupidity that somehow always seems to work out in the end.

Anyway, I’m talking about those shitbag Minnesota Vikings, who, according Advanced NFL Statistics, are the luckiest team in the NFL. You know, normally this is something that I would make up, but now that someone else – someone who has put together some statistical analysis – is saying it, I feel pretty good about hating on those fuckfaces from the west.

I’m not going to say the Vikings aren’t good, because they’ve won a lot of games, and they’ve beat our beloved Green Bay Packers handily on two occasions. However, there has always been something a little off with the Vikings.

I don’t know who they hell they’ve played. Of the four Vikings games I can remember, two were losses (Pittsburgh and Arizona) and two were against the Packers. The games against the Packers were, 1. probably the Packers worst defensive efforts of the season and, 2. the two games in which the Packers offensive line played their worst two games of the season.

Jared Allen notching half of his sacks on the season in those two games says something.

But that’s not important. Back to the Vikings, who are a bunch of lucky fucks – and I stress the word “fucks.”

Advanced NFL Statistics says it isn’t just the Vikings. In fact, it’s one Brett “Lord of the Earth” Favre.

Two years ago the Brett Favre-led Packers topped this list as the luckiest team.

Then last year, the Favre-led Jets topped this list going into the final games of the season, while the Favre-less Packers became the unluckiest team.

Guess which team tops the list this season. The Favre-led Minnesota Vikings are the luckiest so far in 2009, with 2.7 more wins than we’d expect given their general on-field performance.

So there you go.

Well, on second thought, let’s be a little more expansive.

… maybe it has more to do with missed last-second field goals, a weak schedule, and some good old-fashioned luck. In terms of efficiency (yards per play), the Vikings don’t look that great on paper. On offense they are 9th in pass efficiency, 18th in run efficiency, 14th in fumble rate, and 1st in interception rate. On defense they are 13th against the pass, 10th against the run, and 26th in interception rate. Overall, they are 13th in the league in penalty yards per play. Yet the gods of football are smiling on the Metrodome, blessing the Vikes with the third best record in the NFL at 10-2.

As you can see, those rankings are pretty average. In fact, ANS calculated the Vikings would have 7.3 wins at this point in the season, based on those statistics.

Again, not my words. And I emphasize that because I can just hear scumbag Vikings fans screaming right now about how am jealous that the Vikings are 10-2 and the Packers are 8-4.

Well, let me tell you something, shitbag. Until I take my last fucking breath on this earth, I will never, ever be jealous of someone who’s a Vikings’ fan.

So when when will the Vikings come back to earth? My prediction – and this shouldn’t surprise anyone who’s ever followed the Vikings – is in the playoffs.

Rule No. 1 about sports – a choker always chokes, and the Vikings lengthy history of winning absolutely jack shit when the games count tells me we shouldn’t expect anything different this season.

Sorry, Minnesoooooooooota.

About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

9 Comments on "Minnesota Vikings Luckiest Team in the League"

  1. BW

    1. Minnesotans Are fuckbags from the west, not east. Get a map.

    2. The Packer O-line looked it’s worst against the Vikings because they have the best pass rush of the teams the Packers have faced.

    3. I agree, the Vikings will choke in the playoffs.

    4. Go Pack!

  2. PackAttackinMN

    From Brett Favre on ESPN

    VIkings fans let me introduce you to the REAL BRETT FAVRE

    There was no better illustration of Favre’s near-panicked performance than in the third quarter, when he threw both interceptions in a span of seven minutes. On the second, Favre acknowledged he was so enraged by a rough sack on the previous play that he simply gunned the ball downfield with no regard to the coverage.

    The sequence began when Cardinals defensive lineman Calais Campbell sacked Favre for a 9-yard loss on second down, slamming him to the turf after Favre said he heard a whistle. Favre momentarily got in Campbell’s face and then, on the next play, threw deep toward receiver Percy Harvin. Cardinals cornerback Michael Adams, one of four Cardinals players in coverage, made an easy interception.

    “I heard a whistle, stopped and I got slung down,” Favre said. “I’m not sitting here begging for late hits or something, but you even just blow on a quarterback nowadays, you get flags. So that didn’t happen. I was kind of frustrated. I’m not making excuses. So the next play, I was thinking more about that than anything else.

    “I let my temper get the best of me. Next play, instead of thinking within the moment, I was kind of thinking outside the box and not thinking, period. It wasn’t like I was surprised by the coverage. … I just didn’t make good decisions, from my end.”

  3. Hektor Hawkins

    Seriously! Please get your facts together. Who cares where they rank in “NFL” numbers. The Standings speak for themselves. They have been outplayed one game this season– against Arizona last week. We gave away the W to the Steelers when we played them. Yes, I agree with you that the vikings have never proven successful in the playoffs, but this is a much better team than the 98, or 00 Vikes. Lucky or not, they will go deep into the playoffs. They may not have the pass defense to beat the Saints. But this team is not a lucky one. Vikings are averaging 29.9 points per game & 383+ yards/game–how is that luck? 40 sacks on the season might be the reason the Pack O-line struggled in both tilts. And favre has a TD/INT rate of 26/5. You’re right…. All luck. I am an idiot for believing in this team.

    And MN is West of Green Bay– You may have a future as an NFL analyst… Something to think about.

  4. PackAttackinMN

    The Queens are East of LA……That is where this story is based out of….Vikings fans…DUMB FUCKERS..I will give you credit you did know that GB was West of MN…..Then again you probably Mapquested it…

    GO PACK….Im going to laugh at all my Queen fans after the Bengals take care of Business on Sunday..

    GO Pack

  5. jeremy

    Favre has started his slide around week 12 of the last 5 consecutive seasons. After watching him last week I see no reason to expect anything different from him this year.

  6. GetReal

    The person who said the Vikings have only been out played by the Cards is wrong. The Vikings have been out played a couple of games. Including against Ravens, Cards and the Packers (one of the two) … they just have had the luck of the ball bouncing their way and having the Refs kissing Favre’s @$$, like they’ve kissed Tom Brady’s… finally the refs called a fair game for Favre against the Cards and he’s whining about getting roughed up just like all the other QBs in the NFL…

  7. Monty

    Thanks for all the tidbits on my sense of direction, but I live in LA. Everything is to the east. However, I’ve changed to post to west for those of you who can’t see outside of Wisconsin.

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