Jared Allen: Even Bigger Douche Than We Thought

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Yeah, we know. Jared Allen can play football.

He can also take douchebaggery to new heights, and he’s done it once again.

We know about the mullet, we know about the red-neckery, we know about the nonsense that comes out of his mouth on a regular basis. In fact, we detailed this in our first ever Get to Know a Viking segment. But we didn’t know about the Jared Allen clothing line.

That’s right – the Jared Allen clothing line.

What, pray tell might you find in said clothing line? Well, totally awesome stuff like mullet shirts, “Got Strange” shirts and this beauty below, which is called “Sax Machine.” You know, it says Sax instead of Sex. Get it?

I mean, that’s totally frickin’ awesome, right?

Actually, no. It’s douche, you douchebag, Jared Allen. Only in Minnesota and possibly Alabama would you be able to get away with something so stupid.

If you think I'm sexy... you might be a redneck.

In honor of Allen’s continued douchery, we bring you one of the original Total Packers videos. Enjoy.

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About The Author

Monty McMahon is one of the founders of Total Packers. He is probably the most famous graduate of UW-Oshkosh next to Jim Gantner.

8 Comments on "Jared Allen: Even Bigger Douche Than We Thought"

  1. chris

    maybe the vikings will have a special deal…….When you buy the brett favre football u get jared allens tshit for free……….fuck whats next adrian peterson jockstraps?

  2. kevin

    Jared Allen is a funny dude. Why the sour grapes? This type of stuff would never sell in Green Bay. (Rolls eyes)

  3. Pingback: Don't Mess With Jared Allen's Girlfriend, Just Wear His Jersey When Committing Crimes | Total Packers

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