Get To Know A Viking: Bizarro Brett

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We all know about Brett Favre. Thanks to the breathless coverage and retellings of his life story over the past two decades, we know all about him.

We know his middle name is frickin’ Lorenzo. We know all about his family and his wife’s cancer survival and activism. Many of us can recite his accomplishments on the football field by memory. We know about his flaws – interceptions [cough, cough] and past addictions.

We know that he throws the ball real hard and “just likes to have fun out there.”

Away from football, we know that he is incapable of doing anything other than ride a lawnmower.

Brett Favre was royalty in Wisconsin and beyond. He was an ambassador and symbol for the sport of football.

He was an American Icon. Like Superman.

So just who is this BIZARRO BRETT, the new quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings?

One of Superman’s strangest enemies was Bizarro Superman – a monstrous, deformed, shambling clone version of himself, created by his nemesis Brad Childress Lex Luther.

About two years ago, the Brett Favre we knew was replaced with a new version. A monstrous, deformed, and shambling imitation of Brett Favre. Bizarro Brett.

Bizarro Brett appeared, desperate to leave the Green Bay Packers for the Minnesota Vikings – the flagship professional sports team of Minnesota – a monstrous, deformed, shambling imitation of Wisconsin.

While he still receives the same fawning, ball cupping, knob slobbing, shaft stroking admiration from the NFL talking heads, this isn’t the same guy. Just like Bizarro Superman, something is off. His seems old, confused, selfish and petty. It’s definitely not the Brett Favre we knew. It’s Bizarro Brett.

Hopefully, people will see that the real Brett Favre is out there somewhere and that Bizarro Brett is really the devious half-assed creation of Brad Childress.

  • Brett Favre loved the Green Bay Packers. Retiring and leaving the Green Bay Packers in 2007 was the hardest thing he had ever done. Bizarro Brett has been doing everything in his power to join the Minnesota Vikings for the last two years.
  • Brett Favre was a straight shooter and the media could always expect straight answers. Bizarro Brett lies, flip-flops, changes his mind and then lies again.
  • Brett Favre always had his teammates’ backs – just ask Koren Robinson. Bizarro Brett throws former teammates and coaches under the bus every chance he gets. Just ask James Campen.
  • Brett Favre was a leader in the locker room. Bizarro Brett has his own locker room.
  • While he was always a fierce competitor, Brett Favre played with honor and respect. Bizarro Brett throws crackback blocks on hapless defenders… in the preseason.
  • Brett Favre was a gunslinger. Bizarro Brett is a “game manager.”
  • Brett Favre’s jersey always fit him nicely, like an old pair of Wranglers. Bizarro Brett wears jerseys two sizes too big, like an old blouse. Bizarro Superman famously tried to pass himself off as Clark Kent by cramming on an ill-fitting business suit and broken glasses. Didn’t work then and it doesn’t work now.
  • Brett Favre used to play in the finest football stadium in the world. Bizarro Brett plays in the worst.
  • Brett Favre had the best fans in the world. Bizarro Brett’s bandwagon jumping, Viking horn tootin’ idiots are the worst.

So, as our beloved Green Bay Packers prepare to face off against public enemy number one, I hope we were able to highlight some key differences between the real Brett Favre and Bizarro Brett – just so everyone understands that this… this… thing wearing purple is not the guy we cheered for for 16 years. This is not someone Packers’ fans should feel compelled to root for. Nor should they feel guilty for rooting against. True fans would understand – this is an abomination that needs to be PUT DOWN.


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About The Author

Steffen grew up in Milwaukee, Bowler and Neenah Wisconsin. He is a UW-Stevens Point grad and currently works as a television producer in Los Angeles.

15 Comments on "Get To Know A Viking: Bizarro Brett"

  1. Jeremy Brown

    Minneapolis’s favorite personality is the football player formerly known as Prince. He’s a small, self-centered and shallow man but an excellent performer who dances around indoors in a purple outfit. He has forgotten his name but now used this symbol to identify himself “4”.

  2. BizarroWorld

    Just to be specific, a crackback block is fine and respectable, even in the preseason. However, you can’t hit below the waist when performing one; that’s dangerous and illegal. The illegal crackback block was Bizarro Brett’s misdeed.

  3. Ben

    As the author knows, I’ve been eagerly awaiting this one. Masterful comparison… Kudos, Steffen, Kudoes. Is Total Packers selling those cards? Or better yet posters? someone get this to ESPN! Like many Packer fans seeing Brett in action in purple seems fake. Like his new uniform was somehow painted on him digitally after the fact. Didn’t seem this way when he was a Jet, but its just toooooo weird now. Now let’s bring on the emotional turmoil of Monday night and get this over with already.

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  6. Mark

    Wow.

    You need to get out more.

    The guy decided he wanted to play football (which was OK), the Packers said well we don’t wnat you anymore 9which was OK), favre said OK then I’d like to play somewhere else (which was OK). End of story.

    I know you think it’s “Biazarro Brett” here, but … I have to tell you, most of the rest of the football world is seeing “Bizarro Packer Fans.” We can’t figure out why you guys can’t muster even a tenth of the class that the 49ers and their fans showed towards Montana when he was pushed out for Young. Even after Montana’s Chiefs beat the 49ers, hardly anoyone was whinging like you guys have been.

    You are embarassing the rest of the Green Bay Packer nation. You should quit while you are behind.

  7. Mark, I might agree with you if your version of events were true. The fact of the matter is Favre has been furious with Ted Thompson since he took the GM position – he didn’t like that Thompson demanded that all players (even Brett) report to offseason camps, he was enraged that they didn’t resign his buddies (Maro Rivera) and was incensed that Ted had the audacity to consider the possibility of finding and grooming a possible successor (Rodgers). That was the last straw. When Bevell and Co. were sent packing and wound up in Minnesota he made up his mind. He thought he could “retire” and then just sign with Minnesota. That’s what he’s wanted for years. This isn’t even close to the Montana/Young situation. Apples to Oranges, Mark. People can blame Thompson if they want, maybe he should have catered to Favre more, but had Favre buckled down and committed, he’d still be a Packer.

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  9. JOANN

    Wowwy. Yeah I agree completly with steven. Brett favre is busting a Jerry Rice. Watch next year when Favre is really gonna retire. He’s gonna retire with greenbay. Hopefully not but damn its so upsetting that he’s letting his ego take over and making an ass outta himself. Such a waste of a fabulous talent. All in all he is the best QB of all time !!

  10. JOANN

    GREENBAY !! We got this one !! Oh and I must say I live in California and my husband is a Raiders Fan. So I just want to let everyone know how much grief I get for being a green bay fan. But GO PACKERS!!

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